I don’t know where I am…..
and I don’t know what the hell I am doing.
January 21, 2012
About a month ago, I went to Inner Strength on Siler & Agua Fria to watch a friend and fellow Scottish Althlete compete in her very first weight lifting competition..olympic style…Snatches and Clean & Jerks. It was very cool…very inspiring. There were people close to 70 and a 10 year old …all lifting in the same competition. Well, I ran into BJ Monger from Zia Crossfit and he was asking me about my Scottish stuff, asking how I train. BJ also asked if I had ever seen the journal MILO. I had not, so he offered his copy from December to me because the focus of the journal that month was strong man and Scottish Athletics.
So, I meander through MILO….very interesting stuff about training, very cool articles about some throwers….now, I am not normally “slow” , I have been a good researcher most of my life and I can pick up new skills pretty quickly….but as I read some of these articles I could swear the language had shifted from English to French. I have no idea what they are talking about or even HOW they are talking about it. Well, I have very little time til my next set of games….they are at the end of March…so I hit the books so to speak. There are a couple of throwers groups on Facebook, so I start there; as some of these guys have blogs describing their training sessions. I look at some of these…Drifter Lifter, Iron Mind blah blah blah….these sites and the workouts they refer to slide from English to French to German and finally land somewhere in the Cyrillic alphabet.
I realize….I have no idea what the hell I am doing. Not only do I not know how to train, but I can’t even understand the descriptions of how other people train.
WHAT AM I DOING?
I have suddenly become super serious about something I don’t understand and furthermore, I have put myself under certain time constrains to get this work done. I am signed up for the Master’s World Competition in a sport that I haven’t even been participating in for a year. I also feel this enormous pressure not to let people down. The man who runs things for New Mexico, Grant, encouraged me to go for it….says I can compete at this level. But the more I look at the numbers some of the women put up and videos of these athletes, the more I begin to panic. Then you throw in the training information, that to me, seems to be written in Russian, and I am starting to freak out.
It is funny to me, that this thing that started out strictly as a goof, as fun, has me in such a panic now. Really, at first the fun stuff was getting the kilt, the goofy socks I love so much, the flask! But at the last competition, the “fun stuff” was no longer fun to me, the lack of sleep, the excessive alcohol consumption all around me …annoyed me. I wanted to throw well more than I wanted to have fun. I know there is a balance there…especially at the level I compete at….I mean..really…I am not trying out for the Olympics here…or some Scotch companies endorsement. I want to make Grant proud, to represent New Mexico well, to represent myself well, to make Undisputed proud of their investment in me.
I am also worried that this mild panic I have created for myself is making me push in an unhealthy way. I have been noticing that I work a little too hard almost all the time and end up injuring myself, over and over. It happened last Sunday while I was throwing…hurt my neck again, pushed it after my body told me to stop, ended up really hurting. Then I get frustrated because I can’t “train heavy” and I don’t give myself enough time to recover. I do listen to the coaches when they tell me to go light and focus on form…and that is always the way to go. As I sit here, sore from my Wendler Progression and the sets of jerks and the sets of Snatches that I did today….I wonder if I am injuring myself unconsciously so that I CAN’T train well….(whatever that means)
Alright, maybe I am over thinking that last part a bit, but it is possible. I feel afraid that I don’t really know how to prepare myself well, so if I stay in a constant state of mild injury, I will have some sort of excuse for why I don’t do well the next time I compete.
All I can do right now is stick with the extra work that Coach Heather has given me and remember how much fun it is to do something well. hmm, focus on form…..practice spinning….find time to practice hammer walks…dammit…I need to work with the pitchfork again…hmmm should add extra kettlebell work…
ooops…there is that panic mind set again.
I will stick with the Snatches & Jerks that Heather gave me. I will take better care of my neck. I will also watch this for inspiration:
Aren’t they beautiful?
The only person I really need to compete with is me….time to be gentle with myself, cut myself some slack for not understanding how to train, for not understanding weightlifting, for falling down when Grant teaches me a new way to throw, be patient that good form in the Snatch will come with practice….I am so glad Undisputed is here…that you all are so supportive. ‘Cause like I said before..I don’t know what the hell I am doing, but I am glad I am doing it with all of you.