long weekends lead to…

long goodbyes….

November 12, 2011

yes, yes, I had a competition this weekend.  I thought about what to write….all of you were  probably expecting to see more photos of me in a kilt (that is way too short) throwing weird things.  As I was thinking about the competition something else, no, someone else has taken over my thoughts.

I hope no one minds, but I’d like to share a few memories of someone who will be leaving us shortly.

In June of 2010, Crow was the first person I met when I walked into Undisputed.  She was hanging out behind the counter and I came in to try a kickboxing class.  As many of you know already, I had been searching for weeks for some sort of exercise that wold connect with my ailing body.  Crow was the first person in any of these places ~yoga studios, gyms, nia classes~ that didn’t give me that “look”. For those of you who have never been fat…it’s the look of  “oh hell…how am I gonna deal with her…”  I had been seeing this look for weeks, but here in this aggressive looking gym, all I saw was Crow…and I really believe she saw me… She welcomed me into her class, let me work at my own pace but encouraged me even in that “trial” class to push myself a little.

Later that year, somewhere around October, I had a very hard number of days doing CrossFit that made me call into question why I was there at all.  I had told a friend that I was planning on quitting because I was making no progress and that I felt sort of hopeless about all of it. As happens sometimes…word got around…SIGH!  Gossip.  Well, I showed up a couple of days later and I was on the floor stretching before class. Crow came over and was stretching with me and then said something to me along the lines of:

I heard you have been having a hard time and I wanted to let you know that it would hurt me if you decided to quit. You are one of our favorite people and I don’t want you to give up on yourself.

I looked at her…and dammit if she didn’t really mean it.  She really did care about me. In that moment I began walking down a path that has been both a joy and very painful at the same time. I have always struggled with feeling like anyone ever gave a damn about me.  In that small moment, Crow gave me a gift, she genuinely cared for me without asking for anything in return. I remember feeling so overwhelmed in that moment, that I know I sat stoney faced…in disbelief. I cried later….but ever since, I have been determined to surround myself with amazing people and to let go of those who drag me down.

Most recently, after my break in…Crow fed me and led the charge to restore the money I had saved for this most recent weekend’s competition in Tucson, AZ. Crow gave me one of her old Undisputed shirts so customized my shorts!  “Heretic” across my butt and the Undisputed logo on my hip!

Each of these tiny moments may not be remembered by Crow; nor does it matter if she remembers them.  The lesson for me is that in any moment we may have a huge impact on another person’s life; whether or not that is our intention. Being open and honest as often as you can to those around us is critical and Crow…you have always been honest with me…even when it hurt.  That is beautiful.

 This weekend was tough…for various reasons, I did not sleep enough or care for myself well enough before and during the competition. I turned an ankle, I had a wicked asthma attack…and I did not throw my best.  At one point, I had my hand on my shorts and I felt the patch I had sewn on.  I thought of all of you and I thought of Crow as well.  I felt all those times she did not give up on me and for my next throw, I hit a personal record on an event I have struggled with since I have started throwing in Heavy Athletics.

I know I will miss her….but I am also so excited for Crow. 

But mostly, I am blessed to call her my friend.

Happy trails beautiful and when you return~ lets drink some scotch.


Much love!

Comment by Alexis B — November 12, 2011 @ 12:43 am

You are both amazing, and beautiful, strong people!!! Much love to you both!!!

Comment by Cindie Jones — November 12, 2011 @ 9:54 am

Mona, good luck for your competition!!! Crow is the most loving heart/bad ass coach! Love you all;-)

Comment by mio — November 12, 2011 @ 4:56 pm

Glad you stuck it out Mona, I know I will miss her also.

Comment by Phil Madrid — November 14, 2011 @ 1:22 am

Mobility WOD