Mirror, Mirror on the wall….
Who the heck do I look like now?
May 31, 2011
Didn’t post over the weekend…sorry! Lots of activity happening and the weekend slipped by. I did choose a hike instead of Murph on Memorial Day. Loads of fun by the way, as the hike ended with pine cone fights as we headed back down the trail. Kegan also pointed out that around this time last year…I could barely get out of the car for a hike without getting out of breath.
Anyhoo…I had an interesting conversation with two Crossfitters…not so recently but I wanted to share and get some thoughts from the wider community.
But first~a disclaimer:
I have noticed that when I post about subjects like I am about to ..post…I often get the following comment:
“Well Mona, you know, your health is all that should matter..not what you look like.”
While I agree…intellectually…but my tiny brain does not always go there. I grew up unhealthy, in oh so many ways. My worth was based on surface stuff…blah blah blah, like so many other people. So let me say to those of you who base everything on health..Yeah! That’s great….but it is not always me…please don’t judge.
So~ I have had this basic conversation with both a male and a female athlete.
“Who do you want to look like now that you have been losing weight and getting fit?”
Then we start talking about the different coaches at the gym…examining body types and the potential for our bodies to even remotely resemble someone else.
“Oh man I wish I had Crow’s legs or Heather’s belly or Nate’s shoulders.” It really is embarrassing to admit that I can reduce people to body parts…but I have…and so have the people I have spoken with about this “body wishing” thing!
I am still playing that game with myself that I …as I am ….am not enough. Then in the middle of the last conversation like this that I was having…I looked at the person I was picking bodies apart with and I said, ” You know, I think I am ready to look like the best me that I have ever looked like.”
He agreed…we both need to do that.
I know it sounds so basic for most people, but it is not for me. It is a new thing for me to reside safely in my own body.
I don’t even know what this new me, this *best* me even looks like…but I am beginning to feel her move…confidently in this …sorry in MY body for the first time. As I learned early on in this journey…it is about what you can *DO* not what you look like. I am still learning…still walking toward understanding that for myself…for my body.
I caught myself calling myself the “Fat Girl” this weekend… so I have a long journey ahead huh? Pierre even asked me…”When are you gonna stop calling yourself that?” I wonder if I will ever stop placing labels on my body and just enjoy….just experience…just move.
Anyone else wanna share who you’ve imagine looking like? ’cause even having said all of this…I still look at other bodies…longingly. For example….
Ah P!nk…I can still dream?